SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

With my partner over 4 years and was due to get married in July. Found out he had been cheating with 4 women 3 weeks before my wedding day one messaged me. He said he had seen her over 5 times in 2 years and she got pregnant. Then when i went through his laptop found he had an STI and he confessed to another 9 women he had been messaging and exchanging pictures with. We are in therapy jointly and indivdually and he is intsigating the therapy but my heart has been ripped apart. Im traumatised and im near to leaving. He told the therapist it was always me he loved. She says he has a complusion. Its a sickness but i cant get over the lies, my life being fake and him messaging his 2 close friends weeks before the wedding saying he wasnt sure he thinks it could work. Now i find out he was villanising me to feel better about what he was doing. Im gutted, any advice?

Oh goodness how awful. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Looking at what you've said: 1) he is a serial cheater, 2) he willing exposed you to sexually transmitted infections to avoid accountability, 3) he was cheating immediately before your wedding, which is brazenly disrespectful and egocentric from his standpoint.

Maybe he is sick, maybe not. I do not think you owe him anything. In your position, I would leave and never look back. I'd block him from all means of contacting you and move on with your life. This is but a preview of what your married life will bring. Get out now, he is telling you who he is - believe him. I'm dreadfully sorry.

WS,

Sorry but so early in the marriage when you should be in the honeymoon stage. If You don't have kids DIVORCE

Thanks for the kind words and advice. I should be clear that the 3 women he had s*x with was over 2 years in our 4 year relationship and the last sexual infidelity was 2 months before the month we were due to get married. She was on/off with vists from 2022 to May 2024. The women he was seeing and what he did was based on a kink thing and impact play. Sex was transactional. I cancelled the wedding and we immediately went into therapy. Therapist says he was acting out with impact play due to the stress of his ex putting him through drama of not letting him see his child. There was a 4 year legal battle and this drama completely took over our lives. His child wasnt easy to look after either. But he had a choice and he chose wrong. He has a compulsion or addiction and my therapist said it has nothing to do with me. He's sick. We dont have kids and not financially together so i can easily leave. He has been accountable, gone into therapy, transparent about his devices and told his parents and close friend after i suggested he did. It hurts and hits me like a tornado every 2 weeks. I still love him but i know that is going to never leave me.

[This message edited by Wanderingsoul83 at 6:26 AM, Sunday, October 6th]

I would walk away and not look back. You’ve been given a preview of how he handles stress. I don’t even believe that lying to you and cheating is because he can’t see his child. Like seriously?

He’s shown you who he is, do you really want to keep dealing with that.

Hugs, betrayal really sucks. Just remember that he was willing to do that to you over and over again.

I am so sorry for you. To find this out right before your wedding is on a blessing and a curse. On one hand you found out.😢 On the other hand you found out before you were married. 🙏

I’d say run. Far and fast.

The fact that he is using the custody battle as an excuse is ridiculous IMO. He had support - from you. If it was SO stressful he could have seen a professional counselor. This wasn’t a mistake. This was his choice. More than once or twice.

This is his lifestyle.

You will spend the rest of your life in limbo. Always waiting for the "next time". His "sex addiction" if that is what he has — it’s like alcoholism or shopping addiction etc. except he exposes you to diseases.

It’s not that he doesn’t love you. It’s just that his inability to cope with life forced him to make decisions that impacted your life too. And he didn’t care - he just needed to get HIS desires or needs fulfilled.

I hope this helps you see your potential future if you marry him.

Thank you. I won't be marrying him at all. We both have children of our own separately and this relationship was part of a blended family. He is a child trapped inside a man's body and weak. I can't imagine being with another man let alone sharing my body, sexual thoughts with so many. The therapist said its nothing to do with me but he still lied to me and put me at risk. I just can't get over that.

I agree with others who have suggested you walk away. That is way too much baggage to bring into a new marriage

Yes, I agree that it is time to move on. You do not need a lifetime of this. I am glad you are willing to take care of yourself.