Neva9643 (original poster new member #86078) posted at 2:15 AM on Thursday, January 29th, 2026
Formerpeopleperson
"At the risk of belaboring this, that’s exactly what I’m trying to say. The BS is the prize. Isn’t it nice for the WS to recognize that, and choose the BS?
Cheaters don’t "choose" the affair partner or the spouse. They choose themselves. Every single time.
There is no win for anyone here because someone who can harm others to feed their own ego or desires is not making a choice that one can or should feel good about.
Infact anyone who chooses themselves at someone else’s expense — and is never corrected —will do it again and again. It’s a pattern, not a love story. Whoever they are with will face its aftermath sooner or later.
Only thing a WS can do is show that are worthy of being a good partner and it’s up to the BS then to accept them.
Also Pick-me energy assumes the other person is capable of valuing you — or anyone. They aren’t.
They value only what serves them. And no one can sustain that, because it’s not a relationship —it’s a setup where your role is to keep meeting their needs.
Formerpeopleperson ( member #85478) posted at 4:35 AM on Thursday, January 29th, 2026
1st Wife,
In your example, I think the WS didn’t choose the BS. One or more of those other factors was chosen, and the BS was just dragged along.
Pogre,
Humiliating, yes. But I wonder why everyone thinks it doesn’t work.
It’s never too late to live happily ever after
jailedmind ( member #74958) posted at 5:34 AM on Thursday, January 29th, 2026
My wife had a history of affairs. We started out young. I was 16 she was 15. Been together 42 years. To my knowledge it's around 8 AP's. She's been relatively clean the last 12 years. But she's really fixed herself in the last two. Her reasons were abandonment issues. Her Mom tried to farm her out to an Aunt in her youth and her Dad died of a heart attack in front of her at the age of 6. Couple that with a very large dysfunctional family with a poor support network and you have a person who learned to compartmentalize and to self soothe with some very poor coping mechanisms. Then she marries for stability a guy who is aloof and works too much. Her way of getting attention was to cheat and drink to self soothe. People cheat for a myriad of reasons. But serial cheaters have something deeply conflicting living in them in my opinion. Usually a childhood trauma. But I am by no means an expert. Just what I've noticed over the years lurking about on this platform.
