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I found out after going through my husbands phone that his old AP (2 times caught) that he works with (same company different location) has cancer and it’s not going well. He speaks to another secretary at that location who is friends with her (which is a whole other issue that has my spidey senses screaming, but no proof there). He knows about it and I feel like it should have been mentioned to me? Or maybe not? I don’t feel bad for her as I know what she’s done to my family and numerous others, but that lack of sympathy makes me feel like a horrible person. I want to bring it up to my husband bc I also saw she is supposedly finally marrying the man she cheated on and I just feel like my husband has feelings about all of this. I’m certain he’s spoken to her about it all (no proof just my gut telling me), but without proof I know it will be a dead end. I’m just feeling very uncomfortable with this whole thing and I’m not sure how to process it.

So sorry you are in this situation. It seems there are two parts: how you feel about the AP and the fact that your WS is still tracking her if not still in contact.

For the first. Who cares. Your feelings are yours, and whether you feel bad or not doesn’t change her health or outcome. To you she is less than a stranger so I think the only thing you need to think is "why that;s unfortunate for her. I wonder what we should do for dinner tonight." Don’t feel guilt over not feeling anything significant about her. She’s not your friend.

As for what you found in your WS phone - what was the deal you had with him? How long has he been keeping in touch with the other admin? It’s been a long time and you still check his phone (as is your right). But why do you feel the need at this point?
THIS would bother me a lot.
Also, why do you need proof and for what? Proof to confront? Proof to D? Proof for what?

The point of NC, IMO, is that the WS needs to go NC both physically and emotionally. It looks like your WS hasn't done that.

A person who hurt you has cancer and you don't care? Seems pretty natural to me. A lot of BSes do that. Personally, if I saw my W's ap collapse 15' in front of me, I think I'd just walk on by. I don't actively wish her harm, but I think her participation in the A absolves me of wanting to help her.

Sometimes BSes actively wish harm comes to the ap(s). I'm OK with that, too, as long as they do no harm. Wishing may have some effect in the universe, but I don't believe turning the other cheek is healthy.

I’m sorry you’re going through this Elle.

First, you are not a horrible person. This person was a key participant in the worst thing that was ever been done to you. There’s nothing wrong with not giving two shits about bad things happening to her.

Second, you should definitely feel uncomfortable with this in my opinion. It’s not just the possibility (or certainty) that he broke no contact, either directly or through that secretary. It’s that he cares. I would be upset that doesn’t view her the same way you do. That he doesn’t view her as a selfish asshole who didn’t give a shit about you or your family. That she was the person with whom he destroyed you emotionally, risked his marriage and family for, and with whom he was the worst possible version of himself. It would bother me that he does not view her with the same uncaring indifference that you feel.

He should have told you about the AP the moment he learned of the info.

Now it’s another step backward b/c of lying by omission.

So sorry for you.

You are not a terrible person for not feeling empathy for the AP dying from cancer.

You wouldn’t be terrible either if you were to pull out popcorn and watch her suffer until she dies.
You can call it karma, and while there are people feeling bad and sorry for her destiny, she was a cancer for you, she didn’t not does care, and if you were the one being consumed by cancer she would still fuck your husband for a hit of validation.

She chose to be a horrible person, and she is just broken, but for what it concerns you is just a parasite that ruined your life ending its life cycle.

You may feel nothing or just smile and say good riddance. It’s fine.

People will mourn and cry for her, but she likely wasn’t a piece of shit for these people.
For you it was. She is not entitles to your empathy.

Your husband that is your concern.
Your gut is telling you something important. Listen to it.