I know a lot of people are triggered by movies and entertainment that contain stories about infidelity, and I can understand why.
I haven't had this problem though. In fact, I've really found it to be therapeutic on a very deep level.
I've binged watched the following shows over the last few months:
The Affair - This was a good drama overall, and I felt like there were some very powerful moments in this series. However, it seemed to me like the common theme was that marriage is just an agreement between two people, and it's not really a good system for human beings that by default are not supposed to be with just one person for their entire life.
Being in a situation where I feel like my WW is showing me almost daily that she doesn't actually want to be in the marriage with me, it's hard for me to argue against this point. But my argument seems to be, it's not a problem for me, it seems like it's just a problem for the person I married. Which I think is a good argument, accept it doesn't fix the problem.
The series really jumps the shark after season 2, and there are some questionable (and hilarious) scenes, like the very end where the main character gets really old and looks like Bilbo Baggins, while just dancing around. I'm laughing really hard just thinking about this right now. For anyone that watched all the episodes, like I did, I wonder if I'm the only one that kind of felt like we were being trolled with that?
Scenes from a Marriage - I thought this was pretty good. I think the story showed how two people can easily grow apart if they're not both working at it. And it makes me think that marriage in general may just be too much work to expect from anyone. I'm becoming very cynical about the whole thing.
Couples Therapy - I thought this was really a good series and my big take away here was that my MC and IC's (I've tried multiple ones) suck. They're not engaging or asking important questions. They're just billing time.
Tell Me You Love Me - This one is really weird because it's kind of a Couples Therapy if you sprinkled a lot of porn into it. It's not triggering for me, but it's also not the least big erotic either. It's like the show really does a good job with the issues that different couples are struggling with, but then they just blatantly turn it into full blown porn scenes for no artistic or advancement of the storyline. I actually just stopped watching this one after a couple of episodes because although the stories are quite good, imo, the sex scenes just kill the whole thing and reduce it down to a type of absurd voyeurism (for me, anyway).
Ozark - This series is not entirely about infidelity. But it starts out with the main character finding out from a private investigator that is wife is having sex with a older man who is a lawyer. I watched this with my WW and it was incredible to hear the main character rant about her affair. I felt like he was speaking for me during this moment, and I was happy my wife had to sit through that scene. Not because I wanted her to be uncomfortable or punished. I didn't. I don't. But because I've often felt like she just shuts down and doesn't comfort me when I get triggered. Although she's shown remorse and has committed to reconciliation, she just doesn't give me what I need when it comes to listening to my insecurities and worries. And this early scene where he's driving to confront her is just perfectly stated. The rage, the hurt, the pain he feels in that moment, I share.
I haven't been able to get through season one of this show though because it's really boring. It seems like every time I watch this show it has like 20% interesting parts, and 80% people washing dishes. I don't know why this show seems to be so popular.
Anyway, I just wanted to share some of my thoughts. Watching these shows helps me feel less alone, and when I relate to some of these scenes, I don't get triggered, I feel connected to the world, and I often wish my WW would be able to see these scenes and understand how I feel and see the parallels. To understand that she is also not alone and that there is a reason she made the choices she did, and regardless of how she feels about me, the choices were hers alone. And I guess I just see these films and shows as vehicles of understanding that help fill the void that my WW has left undefined.
