AdLarue17 (original poster member #84917) posted at 2:35 AM on Thursday, March 6th, 2025
Sometimes I just hate my WH. Like with a fury. Like I wish I could punch him right in the face. Especially when I’m upset and he’s acting like my being upset is the problem and not what he did that caused it. I wonder if this is all a lost cause and I should just give up. Right now I’ve taken an odd cocktail of meds to calm down and help me sleep and I almost hope it works too well. I feel heartbroken and angry.
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 3:30 AM on Thursday, March 6th, 2025
AdLarue17,
Please call 988 if you are really wishing the cocktail of drugs works too well.
And tomorrow see your doctor for a SAFE prescription to help you get the rest you need.
There is nothing he did that is worth harming yourself. NOTHING.
You can get through this. Tell us how things are going when you are not hating on him (and yeah, that happens. Normal.)
I am worried about you.
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
NoThanksForTheMemories ( member #83278) posted at 6:32 AM on Thursday, March 6th, 2025
I hear you. I don't usually want to punch mine, but when he does something that angers me, I instantly go down the "divorce him NOW" path. It takes a while to calm myself back down. I'm sorry you're having a rough night. Please be careful with your meds! Don't turn them into a permanent solution for a temporary problem, as they say.
Also, don't feel guilty if you decide that R is a lost cause. Sometimes we have to try R for a while before we can know what's right for us. If it ends, remember that you tried your best, and it was his actions that led you to walk away. If he blames you for that, it demonstrates even more that he's not a good candidate for R.
WH had a 3 yr EA+PA from 2020-2022, and an EA 10 years ago (different AP). Dday1 Nov '22. Dday4 Sep '23. False R for 2.5 months. 30 years together. Living separately as of Mar '25.
AdLarue17 (original poster member #84917) posted at 1:43 PM on Thursday, March 6th, 2025
Thanks everyone. I feel much calmer today. When I reread what I wrote, I feel kinda embarrassed. I was so angry but I feel just flat today.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:23 PM on Thursday, March 6th, 2025
IDK ... feeling rage (but not damaging your WS) is part of healing, IMO. You may be doing exactly what you need to do.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Webbit ( member #84517) posted at 5:51 AM on Friday, March 7th, 2025
I remember around 6 months after D-Day I found this site because I was looking for some guidance with regards to my anger. I have never felt so much hate, rage and anger as I did during those few months. And I was violent - I threw things and punched my bed etc. I was so ashamed and didn’t even know who I was.
Now I’m a lot calmer but shit there are days I just hate his face so much. Just this morning he was cuddling me in bed and my stomach just turned and I couldn’t stand his touch. I hope one day these feelings will dissipate but at them moment I’m scared I’ll have feelings like this forever.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 1:10 PM on Friday, March 7th, 2025
I had a love-hate pull for 2 years.
I really didn’t feel "myself" and healed until 3 years after Dday.
It is normal.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
