SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Has anyone ever done this? My husband met someone at a local place that we always go to. They had what I call an emotional affair sending inappropriate messages for months. They also went out a few times but claim it never got physical. I stopped in one day to pick up food and she spotted me and her entire demeanor changed. While I was waiting for food she sent me a facebook message asking if I was at the restaurant. She wanted to talk to me and apologize. I told her I appreciated the apology but what she was inappropriate and disrespectful attempting to break up a family not just a marriage. I was blindsided so I didn't know what else to say but now I'm thinking of all of these things I should have said. I don't know if I would feel better or worse. Or what to do if there is another run in.

If there is another run in I would ignore. She knows and you know. When I confronted MOW I just wanted her to know that I knew what was going on. Usually confronting an AP leads to nothing good. It didn't in my situation. Not only did I not get an apology but she blamed me for my M failing and my xWS took the A underground with her for 2 more years. Sometimes you might be able to get more info from an Ap than your spouse but many times they lie anyways so it's a catch 22.

I have had confrontations with four of my husband’s APs.

AP #3 - she showed up while my husband was at work (he was a musician) and I was there. I told her to leave, she wanted to stay. It was not a calm conversation. The stage was set up with a window into the lobby, and WH could see the two of us talking while he was on stage. I "persuaded" her to never come back.

AP # 5 - she was honest when we spoke. She answered all of my questions, cried, apologized multiple times. She had been an acquaintance, and told me a lot about herself in the conversation we had. I left that conversation feeling better, in that I knew he wasn’t lying about what they had done together, and some details.

AP #6 - she lied, pretending to be"not remember anything like that ever happening". This was a very close friend for 20 years. Not anymore.

AP #7 - what a mess. This was a long distance EA. She told me SHE was the one who was hurt, I wasn’t hurt. She said she wanted my family and my life and my kids. She said my husband was the only person who ever understood her, and she felt a terrible loss because now she lost him as a friend, and now I wasn’t her friend anymore either, and she wouldn’t be able to talk to my kids anymore (she was a family friend for nearly 50 years). Then she lied and said she wouldn’t have had sex anyway, that she had "turned lesbian" (a lie). She told a number of lies that I knew were lies, based on emails and texts I had seen.

So, based on my personal experiences, I would say DON’T BOTHER. They are liars for the most part, and have no morals and no compunction to do you any favors.

My WW’s AP reached out to me on social media. He apologized and promised NC. That was the last either of us heard from him. As tempting as it is to say all the things you have in your head, NC is the best way to keep the AP out of your head and M.