SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Does anyone ever just wonder why we bother being married or in serious relationships?

Some people are just so shit, these stories I keep reading about infidelity are just plain depressing. I honestly am starting to think being single is an option that is very appealing. Like even the new good times with WH don’t even come close to evening out the pain he has caused. And maybe it’s not supposed to but it feels to me like it should.

I feel this way often and am starting to think divorce really might be in my future (again).

I hear you. We went to a wedding this past weekend. I had almost said no and realize I probably should have. Hearing all the talk about how you will be loyal to your spouse for their whole life…this will be the one person who always has your back…. Etc. All got me really down. Watching my WH sink deeper into a shame spiral each time the person doing the wedding spoke was somewhat helpful.

We had talked in the past about renewing our vows. That was like six years ago when I thought he did some sort of betrayal light 8 years ago. Finding out two years ago that it was full on PA has completely ended my interest in doing something like that. I view us as committed partners right now. He doesn’t fully realize this is where we stand. The legal marriage is useful for tax purposes I suppose.

I also agree that living I ndependently someday seems very appealing at times. As he is a good companion generally (sex, shared finances, mutual kindness, shared Hobbies, beloved children) it seems reasonable at times to stay together.

I feel like we need to answer the question in our own minds whether our spouse’s presence is triggering us alot of the time. And if that is so, what is the likelihood that dynamic will improve.

[This message edited by Stillconfused2022 at 2:45 AM, Tuesday, September 24th]

I got married because I thought I'd found "the one" because that's what he portrayed himself to be. I thought I was getting a partner in life but found out he wanted sex.

I'm having so much fun after D that it would be difficult to find a partner that would make me change my mind.

On the other hand, there are some great posts in the NB forum where some members have had great relationships after.

But...I'm 6 years out from dday1 and 5 years from deciding on D. Maybe it's time and healing that contributes to the scenario.

If our youngest was close to being 18 y/o on D-Day I think my conversation with my wife would have been very different. I know you shouldn't stay together for the kids but sometimes I think back five months and wonder if I would be better in the long run ending our 27 year relationship....

We get along great but we always did, minus her inability/desire to have open conversations about our relationship. So now we have this "great" relationship with open and what I believe to be honest conversations but the one vital component is missing, trust.

Love isn't rational, and it's the main cause of marriage in the modern world.

Yes, and I kind of wish I'd stuck to my "plan" at age 16 of never getting married, never having kids. At the very least, I wish I'd married someone else. I cannot fathom doing this again after a divorce. Single life with a nice roommate or two sounds much better.

I used to be a romantic. I still believe that it's possible for two people to love each other their whole lives, and I have plenty of friends for whom this has been true (so far), but at age 50, too much of my life is behind me. I want to be selfish once I'm free of my WS!