SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It has been a while since I posted, but I thought the good folks here could give me some perspective.

The first time my GF said "Don’t call me beautiful!" I thought it was some kind of weird joke, but I was wrong. She was very serious. I completely get I should respect her wishes and I try, but sometimes I forget and it slips out because that’s how I feel. When this happens instead of having the loving feelings that triggered my response I immediately feel like I’ve messed up and the negative feelings that go along with that. It seems like something that in the long run will undermine our ability to bond since I need to hide my feelings to make her happy. This does not seem like something she will change her mind on.

Thoughts?

I would want to know more about your relationship duration, exclusive? Etc

and her whys that she gave you before I gave my opinion.

My current bf and I discuss, for example, triggers I may have as a result of being in previous abusive relationships.

Sounds like it's a trigger for her.

Surely you can treat her with love,and respect this simple request?

Personally, I hate when anyone calls me sweet. As a child,my abuser called me sweet. If I asked my husband not to use that word with me,and he felt it was unfair, or it caused a problem, that would tell me he cared more about his need to use that word, than my neednto never hear it again. And it would be a problem.

You could call her lovely,or stunning, or precious. All of which would convey your feelings, without using a word that upsets her.

She was very serious.

My gut reaction was the same as the other posters, she is having a very serious reaction to a word for a reason and it probably has absolutely nothing to do with you.

My guess is either it is a strong trigger for her or it is a self-esteem issue where she is unable to accept that description of herself.

Is it just that word (beautiful) or is it any word(s) that describe how you view her (pretty, gorgeous, etc). That would give you some directive of which scenario it may be.

I have trigger words as well due to my ex. When we hear those words, it is like nails on a chalkboard combined with a flash of PTSD of whatever happened to us. It brings up those old feelings instantly.

It seems like something that in the long run will undermine our ability to bond since I need to hide my feelings to make her happy.

I do not agree. There are many ways (verbal and non-verbal) where you can convey how you feel about her without using that one word.

My BF has a word he does not like (at all!) - and I am very aware and conscious about using it because that is important to him (and he is important to me).

I think if you consider that 'beautiful' is making her feel exactly the opposite of your intentions (and it causing a strong negative internal response), it will be easier to find a substitute so you can convey your feelings.

(and the positive is that she told you versus biting her tongue each time)

It does sound like a trigger. Maybe other words are better? Gorgeous? Stunning?

Agree with the others to find a different term. I called my boyfriend handsome and cute until one day he said he didn't like it. He felt like it was something his mom would say to him lol. So I use "hot" he likes that. Sometimes I use them altogether that he's cute, handsome, hot, gorgeous and beautiful