SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Honestly, it sounds like you are 'white knuckling'. Forcing yourself to R without working on yourself first.

Your WW does not seem to be doing anything to make herself safe for you AND your family, and you seem to be resigned to that.

So, first things first, work on healing first, before you even think about R or D. One of the worst things you can do is to force yourself in a certain direction without healing. The end result will be a house built on sand.

I think if you want to R, really R, you need to tell her what you wrote last post. Right now you are rugsweeping and she is not doing the work she needs to fix herself or to help you heal. This will come back to bite you if you continue.

Has she read How to Help Your Spouse Heal from your Affair? It is by Linda Mcdonald and will help her understand her role better. You can read it too to point out to her what will be most helpful.

You w is not beautiful and she is not gross. She can't be both at the same time. This is all in our minds. Our feelings for someone putting a filter over our eyes. After my ws was exposed, I saw more flaws. He's very handsome and could double for a famous actor but he didn't look attractive to me after d day.

Beauty fades with time anyway. Stay with someone because there's something inside that you can grow with. You both give each other strength. There's understanding and humor. If beauty only brought you together well that works to get species to reproduce but modern humans need more than that to have a full life. Beauty fades anyway. Really think about who you both are today. Do you see her as needy and lazy ........talk about it. There needs to be respect and cooperation. You can't love someone you don't respect.

I agree that you are only months out. Both of you have work to do on your own progress. R is hard and so put in the effort only if you both feel there's something valuable to fight for. If not don't waste precious energy and time for a meh situation.

I aquote]Stay with someone because there's something inside that you can grow with.

Agree wholeheartedly.

Beauty fades with time anyway.

I think it's better to say 'Youth fades with time anyway.' Beauty may or may not fade. It may even grow if you have that something inside that will grow together.

You can't be young and in a long-term relationship. It's one or the other.

I remember my W at 22, and I know her now. If we could go back 55 years without losing what we've learned, I'd do it, but ... she's different, better and worse in various aspects, but not better or worse overall. But I know that being with a young woman won't make me one moment younger than I am.