Still Stunned & Not Sure Which Way is Forward

I found out my wife of 12 years was having an affair on 5/1/26. She had a weekend hookup with the guy she had an affair with two years ago. To make matters worse, her birthday was on Sunday and I had gotten her diamond ear rings to kind of try to kick start the relationship again. She said she had to work and wouldn't be able to see me but she'd see me Monday morning. Long story short, she was busted dead to rights and still spent the weekend with him.

So now she's home and apartment hunting. We haven't really talked and she's spending the nights in the RV we have on property while I'm in the house. So we're stuck as scorned lover and soon to be ex-wife until she can find a place and she's not finding anything nice and/or affordable. I've known this woman since we were in 9th grade, that's 40 years! And overnight it feels like I don't know who she is and I don't know what to do.

Do I need to stop this? Do I need to watch her walk away? I'm having panic attacks and I'm crushed that I have to share the same space with her and at the same time having a profound sense of loss. It's like she died but is still in the house with me. The anger and shame that had spurred me to clean out the shed and attic in record timing seems to have abated and now I can only think of how alone I am and how hopeless everything feels. I'm absolutely not a danger to myself or other but I can't stop my mind from racing.

Am I supposed to be nice? I'm making diner tonight and said she could have some if she liked. I feel like I'm trapped in hell and I'm just waiting for the conflagration to begin and burn up everything that I've cared for and built in the last 20 years. What do I have to look forward to in life now? It really still doesn't feel real and I'm not sure what to do about the crushing anxiety that I'm having.

Anybody ever been stuck with the cheater as they try to figure out how they are going to get away from you for good? I'm at a loss and don't have any clue what to do...

6 comments posted: Tuesday, May 12th, 2026