Arae- Taking it day by day.

Months After Finding Out About Multiple Emotional Affairs

Three months ago I found out my husband was having multiple, at the very least, emotional affairs for at least 8 months. My story is in my bio. He swears nothing physical ever happened and that it was just stupid flirtation and ego. We have couples counseling and individual counseling set up for next week. After asking my husband for disclosure and not receiving anything viable, I decided to go through his phone, again, a couple of nights ago. While I did not find anything recent from the women that he was talking to prior, I did see that he had lied about other things.

When I found out that he was inviting/meeting women at his weekly activity, he instantly told me he would quit the league and did even though they were in finals. I found it strange that the rest of his team also quit, but he said it was due to not having a player to fill his spot. Last week, while at our child's school fun fair, he ran into a friend of his who was on an opposing team for his weekly activity, he told me there was a rumor going around that his whole team got kicked out of the league. He told me that this was not true. I didn't think much of it, but while going through his phone, I read a message between himself and a woman who worked at the establishment. Essentially, he stated that their team had been kicked out, and banned from the establishment. She responded that a server was also fired and she was giving her notice as she had gotten another job at a golf course. He asked if she golfed, she responded no, he then went on to tell her that they should go golfing together, that he would pay and teach her. Now, I don't know this woman, but I had heard her name months prior when he told me she had asked him to help serve her ex custody papers. I asked him why he would get involved in this situation when he didn't know her or their situation, and he said he felt obligated because she asked.

I also searched the multiple women's names in his text messages to see if there was any communication recently. There was not, that I could see, but I did find one between his friend and himself. The message stated that he had ran into one of the women. Disgustingly, he said that she was "lit and looking for d*ck". His friend, enabling his gross behavior, told him to f*ck her, to which he stated "I told her tonight its on". Mind you, this happened before I found out... but it still makes me feel like something more was going on then just "hanging out" as he says. I did confront the women, who all reiterated that nothing happened and it was just flirtation, or friendly. Although, these women are all also married with children. So why would they blow up their lives to be truthful to me.

I am flabbergasted. I have not confronted him, nor have I told him I went through his phone again. When I originally found out he told me that he wanted full transparency going forward and gave me free reign to go through his phone if I felt the need to. But, I cant help but feel he is still up to his old tricks. Additionally, I fear he may just be better at hiding his inhibitions.

Should I confront him or should I compile all the information and go through it in couples counseling? We don't ever get anywhere when I do confront him, he just says "I'm sorry, I love you so much, I'm an idiot, I swear nothing physical ever happened". I'm tired of hearing it. Its bs if you ask me. The type of women that these are, some having quite the pasts, I am seriously concerned about STIs if anything more did happen, so knowing what I know now, I will be getting tested next week. I don't know what my plans are at this point, if I will stay in the relationship or if I will separate. The only thing I do know is that I do not believe him or trust him. I feel its a cycle and a character flaw on his part.

5 comments posted: Thursday, June 5th, 2025