He just found out

This is all on my story but wanted to get it out in the open. I'm a 28 year old female, not sure if that means anything.

I virtually cheated on my husband,we have been together for 7 years, married for 4. Let me preface this by saying I hate myself for what I've done because I have been cheated on in previous relationships and have felt experienced the pain I imagine by husband is going through.Here is my explanation, this is not an excuse, just how I got here.My husband is very immature for his age and I have felt like a mother to him for awhile. I have communicated this the best I can but he does not communicate well. With that being said, we haven't tried counseling yet. We believe he is on the autism spectrum but he has not been diagnosed. This maternal feeling towards him has absolutely destroyed the sexual attraction I had for him, coupled with him not being emotionally available to me as he does not communicate well.I will add that I'm the bread winner in the home and also the house keeper since he doesn't do much without being asked. (I ask when I remember, I just work a lot of long hours.)Back in Jan, before I virtually cheated, I had tried to initiate a separation as I was feeling the temptation to find emotional/physical connection elsewhere. I wanted to try and end our relationship before making a huge mistake.I asked my husband to go live with his brother for a week after we had an argument that was my last straw. That evening I found him in our garage with the car running, windows down, him passed out inside.I've tried my best to stand by him in his recovery, but I have felt lonely and trapped as well as constantly exhausted. So against my better judgement, I downloaded tinder and started to talk to other men, but could not bring my self to physically meet up with another man.He found out and is understandably destroyed.I want to save our marriage but don't know if it's worth saving. In my heart, he is my soul mate, but the years have not been kind as we both grew into our mental health issues. Now I feel like I'm not the right person for him. I feel like I can't be in a relationship with someone this immature and dependant upon me even if it's no fault of his own.I'm working to get us into marriage counseling. Part of me wants to save our marriage but a deeper part of me is worried it shouldn't be saved. That terrifies me because without me, he literally has nothing. He would have to move back in with his parents, and I'm not sure how we would handle our pets. He can't afford his truck on his own so I would at least support him financially within reason. I'm honestly just scared he's going to try and kill himself again. I'd rather have a miserable marriage than the man who used to be my best friend be dead.

I'm confused, scared, and desperate to do the right thing after making the biggest mistake of my life...

5 comments posted: Friday, March 28th, 2025

He just found out (moved to Wayward Side)

  This Topic has been moved to Wayward Side

0 comment posted: Friday, March 28th, 2025