SH
Life Shattered 5/2024
50's
Married 26 years/TBD the struggle is real
2 adult children

Does getting the whole truth matter??

Well not sure what I am doing here..

I think about what the WS has done 24-7, and unsure my next move. Unsure who to confide in or what actual input advice would make a difference etc.. The WS stooped to the lowest of the low and maybe my brain has not completely absorbed. All I think is how, why, how and why?? When this originally happened I stumbled upon this group from someone's post about being betrayed via massage parlor. Affairs are one thing but paying to get off is level 10 (in my book). How can I even look at him, one would ask and honestly I am not sure I can answer that.. I feel like a walking zombie the majority of the time. All that to say, I am about to retrieve a lot of data and in my mind that will satisfy or likely kill off any remaining uncertainty I have about staying in this marriage.. Not so much uncertainty but to what extreme he was doing what he was doing.. As if more facts will even matter IDK!! HE PAID FOR SEX MORE THAN ONCE AND I AM STILL WITH HIM???!!! What does that even say about me! -Desperate, pathetic, weak, no self respect??

I guess I was looking for someone (in this group) that has been through the massage parlor betrayal, because I am feeling like I have been deserted on a private Island. That is also not meant to belittle anyone's else's pain/hurt from what they are going through its all BAD!!

11 comments posted: Sunday, March 2nd, 2025

What am I doing?

My story, sorry new here and do not have all the abbreviations down yet. (my brain is on overload)

Discovered in May 2024 that my H was visiting Asian massage parlors for over a year (potentially longer) and getting happy endings or more.. I am still with him but deeply struggling. We have been married for 26 years, he has been in several affairs (earlier in our marriage), but we have been in a good place for the past 13 years, or so I thought. He states the reason is he lost his way, unsure why he was doing what he was doing etc.. I am his best friend (his words) and he will not divorce me. I had no clue this was happening NO CLUE. We were very sexually active (very), and we did everything together, except massage parlors. He was also going while traveling for work and locally when I was traveling for work.

I am a professional, work full-time my entire life, raised 2 successful children that live out of state. It's been a long/rough 10 months and I am struggling with his lack of truth or conversation in general to help me understand his madness. When I try to talk about it, he says it was the biggest mistake, he is ashamed, and he will not lose me. He is waiting on me hand and foot blah blah blah. He has shattered our entire existence in my opinion. The sad part, he was my BFF, I am very comfortable with him, as anyone would be after 26 years, but I am having an extremely hard time wondering what the hell am i doing. Why am I still here? This is disgusting and I am letting him get by with it. What is wrong with me!!

Lastly, when I tell him we need couples counseling he blows it off because he knows the more truth that he is required to tell the less likely I will stay with him. My love for this man hurts (for me and my children) but I feel like I am dying a slow death and he gets off literally scott free. I feel like there is so much more to all of this but I have exhausted my investigative measures (mentally) and unsure what good would become of it. Just need support, thoughts, opinions etc.. I am struggling. My gut tells me there is so much more and I am a fool.

9 comments posted: Tuesday, February 25th, 2025