Lying from the 1st Date

My WP was already dating someone else when we went on our first date. I didn't know, obviously. I only know now because after being together for 18 months (living together for 9 months) I received a phone call from the AP who told me that she and my WP were still dating and sleeping together for the first 4 months of our relationship and that since she broke it off with him, he has been trying to get her back for over a year.

By 4 months, we were in a committed relationship. We spent time with each others families and he told me he was crazy in love with me (not in a love bombing way). After we moved in together, he lied to go see this woman- though they did not sleep together. We were planning to get engaged and married early this year. My WP says he was definitely not trying to get back together with her, he doesn't know why he said the things he did. That it was like emotional dumping. She sent me all of their messages. He was telling her that he loved her and "never looked elsewhere" while telling me he has never been happier in his life. Truth was, neither had I. I was really happy in this relationship. The messages don't indicate that he was trying to get back with her for a year, but it does look like there were a few months after they stopped seeing each other that he was.

Has anyone else had this type of situation?

I'm having a really hard time understanding this. Until now, I always felt valued by him. I felt that he knew what a great thing he had and was 100% committed. He swears he will never do anything else like this ever again. I don't know if he understands his own actions.

It has been 7 weeks since D-Day.

Any insight or advice is appreciated.

Apologies if this post isn't in the proper format - I tried.

18 comments posted: Monday, February 24th, 2025