Found out several weeks ago
I'm not sure if this post really belongs in this particular category since I didn't "just" find out about it like yesterday or anything, but actually a few weeks ago (although it's something I have suspected for longer) and a lot of things have happened since then, but this is all new to me and I don't know where to start, so this seemed as good a place as any.
I'm a 48 year old man who has been married for the last 15 years. I love my wife (43) tremendously and I know that she loves me too (throughout all of this, that is something that I have never doubted). We've had our problems (health, finances, etc), but what marriage hasn't? We have no kids due to a variety of circumstances (some of which were in our control, some of which weren't) and it has been a source of tension for a while, but I truly believe that we are both still young enough to be able to perhaps foster a child at some point, though she is more pessimistic about that.
I am on the autism spectrum and my wife struggles with OCD/anxiety/depression. This has proven to be a potent combination at times and while things have been not ideal between us for years, I nevertheless thought our marriage was fundamentally solid and safe. We are both Christians, neither of us has been married before and neither of us has ever been with anyone sexually before our marriage.
I found out a few weeks ago that my wife has been having an emotional affair for the past few months with one of my FB friends (a man I've never personally met but who I've corresponded with for years and considered a relatively good friend). After several weeks of fights, tears and ultimatums, she has finally cut off all contact with him and now we're trying to figure out where to go from here. We have our first couples therapy session on Monday and we are both hopeful as we are both committed to making this marriage work, but we are still nervous and veering from feeling really close and connected at times to feeling angry, scared and fighting over fundamental disagreements about what really happened, What contributed to it and what still needs to happen (a primary source of contention being her hope that one day she could resume the platonic friendship with this other man that she got really close to -- even though he he fell deeply in love with her and was ultimately hoping that she would leave me for him -- whereas right now I am feeling that I don't want either of us to have any contact with him at all ever again).
I don't have a lot of people I can talk to about this and I have never belonged to an online community like this before -- save the brief period of time that I, an avowed movie lover, was on the IMDb message boards (anybody here remember those?) -- I thought I would give it a try.
I am open to any questions, observations or advice that anybody would have.
13 comments posted: Sunday, February 2nd, 2025
