Bettermenow,
First of all, I’m sending you hugs. What abominable treatment you have been subjected to.
I thought I was going to marry my xWGF, but she left me for the guy I was told not to worry about. Lied and gaslighted me about cheating, only to "come clean" two years later.
First, I think you should get a therapist, one who specializes in betrayal trauma. You may be depressed, and you will need treatment to deal with that.
Second, focus on yourself. Your self-esteem is in the crapper. We’ve all been there. I first dealt with this by exercise. I had been a D1 athlete who’d let myself go a little bit. I started eating right, quit tobacco, and hit the gym like a madman. I got jacked!! That made me feel better and more attractive, which I needed. You need that.
You also need to feel better on the inside. Have you tried daily affirmations? A gratitude journal? Believe it or not, those things help. If you can’t think of things, ask your friends for help, they will tell you all the ways you rock.
Realize too that part of what you’re mourning is the loss of your dreams of the future. You had envisioned a life and that is not coming true now. So fill your life with new stuff - hobbies, clubs, other interests. Soon you’ll start imagining a new future. It might even excite you to imagine the possibilities.
It does take time. We’re here for you along the way. You’re going to be alright.
