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I came across an audio recording in his phone. When I played it, it was sex mournings of him and a girl. There are different recordings, the girls voices are different.
When i gently told him about it, he got so angry with me saying that I went through his phone.
I decided to calm down and be quiet, after few days, he came to me and said that I was the cause of why he cheated. And is promising that he will not do it again.
To me he is not remorseful, I feel trapped in everything. I want to leave but to where. I am a stay at home mom and also a student. I dont know what to do.

I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation.

I want to address 2 things here: your H’s behavior and possible next steps.

I don’t know the laws in Canada but a consultation with a lawyer might provide you with some advice. If you have a baby, he will need to pay child support. And also possibly alimony. But get legal advice just to learn your rights.

Now into the next part which is how cheaters operate.

Of course he blames you. That is typically what cheaters do. You know you did not cause him to cheat. Cheating IS A CHOCE THE CHEATER MAKES. And it has nothing to do with you.

He didn’t cheat because you didn’t cook his favorite meal or show him enough attention or because you weren’t thin or athletic or whatever. He cheated because he wanted to. Period.

Please find a good support network for yourself (whether you leave him or stay together). Friends and family who can help you if you decide to leave or stay with him.

I suggest you start saving as much $ as you can. Put it in a bank account he knows nothing about. $5 here or there can add up quickly. If you decide to leave you want to have some $ to your name.

You did nothing wrong going through his phone. You deserve to know what he’s doing — especially as his cheating has the potential to physically harm you. If he transmit a disease to you, it could also harm your child.

Please get tested.

I hope this helps you.

Thank you so much. I was scared to talk to my sister about it. I think I have to sit down and explain everything to her.
I am just weka and tired.

His behavior is very typical. If he can make you feel bad about his affair that minimizes his guilt and shame and pushes you towards sweeping it under the rug and moving on because that is what is easiest for him

Two people in a committed relationship should not have secrets. They should know each other's passwords to everything and should be able to look in each other's phones at any time

This is when you need to do what is called the 180. This will help you take back your power and restore balance in the relationship because right now he controls the power. Stop trying to engage with him. Do not talk to him unless it involves the house or the baby. Beyond that if he tries to talk to you just walk away without saying a word

Until he is willing to accept 100% fault for his decision to have an affair, reconciliation just will not work and as long as he thinks he can manipulate you there is no reason for him to change.

He broke the relationship and he needs to fix it, and himself, because until he repairs himself the relationship cannot be repaired. If you sweep this under the rug it will come back one day much much worse.

I agree with the advice to consult with an attorney just so you have a better understanding of where you might be should the relationship end. When he asks you where you are going don't say a word just walk out

Welcome to the unwilling club.

At least here you will be heard, use it to let those terrible emotions out.

I came across an audio recording in his phone. When I played it, it was sex mournings of him and a girl. There are different recordings, the girls voices are different.

Kind of like my WS AP, just he cheated on her with prostitutes. Well he treated her like one so not big deal.

When i gently told him about it, he got so angry with me saying that I went through his phone.

He should wonder why he went through other girls, instead of getting angry, he should be grateful his face was not plastered over the wall.

I decided to calm down and be quiet, after few days, he came to me and said that I was the cause of why he cheated. And is promising that he will not do it again.

Bullshit #1 - You are not the cause, it was his choice. He just know he is a really shitty person, so he blames shift on you. Do not worry, is not you. Is never the BS. Is the WS deep flaws and unresolved issues.

Bullshit #2 - He cannot promise anything until he truly fix himself. Right now he is blaming you, so he is exactly in the same state of mind that allowed him to cheat. In short = He is lying to you and himself right now.

To me he is not remorseful, I feel trapped in everything. I want to leave but to where. I am a stay at home mom and also a student. I dont know what to do.

No, he is not. He is deflecting, minimizing, shifting the blame.
A Cheater will not be remorseful until he owns the betrayal, owns the decision to betray, own the pursuit, owns the act.

To get there the person really must do some work, that is quite difficult to do, because is digging into personal and deep unresolved issues.

Right now, read about the 180 in the healing library.
Do it now.
Give yourself time to collect thoughts and be here to talk and get some clarity and advice on what to do next.

So sorry this has happened. Your WH is a very typical cheater. Blameshifting and minimizing are common responses from a cheater. Understand that he will lie to protect himself. Most importantly take care of you. Always value yourself. You have suffered a real trauma. Reach out to IC to help you cope. Get tested for STDs. He is not remorseful. Implement the 180. It is intended to let you get your bearings as you go through this shocking revelation. Do see an attorney to learn your rights. Watch his actions. He need to show empathy for the pain he has caused you. Full transparency. A no contact letter to his AP. Is she married? If so, expose the A to her OBS. He deserves to know the truth of his life.

Breath. And understand you will get through this. But you will be on an emotional rollercoaster. You deserve respect and a faithful partner. Accept no less. Good luck.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 1:28 AM, Monday, March 16th]

Thank you for your words. No remorse from him. He kept saying that I am the reason why he cheated. I dont know what to do with my 1yr old, I would have just walked away. It still feels like I am dreaming

Nothing you did or didn’t do in your M caused him to cheat. He cheated because he wanted to do it. Take care of your child. Reach out to family or close friends for support. Implement the 180. Detach from him. Do not argue or engage with him. Child care and finance issues only. No idle chitchat. If you feel vulnerable or in danger reach out to a woman’s shelter in your area. Do contact law enforcement if he becomes threatening. Be firm. Set your boundaries.

Every situation is different. I am so sorry you experienced this.

I have been on this forum for years now and I still am shocked at the stuff waywards will do to their loving faithful spouses.

One of many things I regret not doing is protecting myself sexually and financially from my exwh.

Even if he and I both tested negative for STIs, he had no intention of being faithful so I had no business being sexually intimate with him until he fixed whatever was wrong with him that he would risk my and DCs health and lives over his ego kibbles and and sleezy women he met on the internet’s bits.

Many of us have been where you are. I was desperate to save my Marriage so I listened to what exwh said I did wrong. Tried to change myself to better meet his "needs" instead of focusing on taking exquisite care of myself and any children.

My exwh was not a safe partner. I don’t think any active wayward partner is a safe partner and I wish I had immediately acted to protect myself first and foremost. A H’s "job" is to protect his wife and family. My exwh failed miserably at this.