SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Steve Smith was probably my favorite NFL receiver and just got called out as a cheater. I loved this man's game as he's smaller and just tough as nails and was perhaps the smoothest trash talker on the field of all time. And reading the stories has me a bit torn. So apparently he, married with four kids, was sleeping with a married woman. And the woman's husband completely blew everything up by posting explicit conversation screenshots between his wife and Steve and even a phone call he made to Steve Smith to confront him about it. He made it go viral on twitter and basically just went scorched earth, which given Steve Smith's status in the community and public profile is really hitting him somewhere it hurts bringing a lot of negative publicity to him. And I'm all for it. If I'm honest, this is what I wanted as vengeance. I wanted to tell the whole world and blow up the AP to everyone who knows him and try to destroy his reputation. I wanted it to be scorched earth to satiate a sense of vengeance that I believe is totally human and justified in infidelity. So I really hope that Steve Smith gets the just desserts of public shame as his image as a family man is completely blown up, and I'd love to see his wife move on with a huge chunk of his net worth if that's what she desires. On the other hand, by the betrayed spouse going scorched earth like this I can't imagine how much more trauma that inflicts on Smith's wife and kids (I don't give a shit if the truth and exposure hurts the man's own WW, as that just seems like a just consequence of cheating). I get that Smith hurt his own wife and children and is the ultimate cause of the pain and trauma they're now going to be going through, but the OBS going viral and public with everything their dad/husband said to another woman indeed magnifies the pain of innocents. I don't think any of us are in a position of fame where anything would be magnified to the level this one is, but I guess it still makes me pause and think about who else I would've been hurting to really put the AP or wayward spouse out there in a public way like that. There's so much collateral damage from all of this no matter how it's handled, and it's kind of hard to really know what's right and what's wrong in navigating infidelity. I get the reaction of OBS, and damn I wanted to do similar things. I'm not sure I would've thought about all the collateral damage I could be causing to innocents with any action I took in the quest for justice/vengeance. But on the outside looking in it's much easier to see the very public humiliation this brings to the innocent wife and children. Infidelity has tentacles that are just unbelievable, truly no worse pain I can imagine. And it's not the same as some high school crap, it really is destroying entire lives just to satiate people's lust and desire for ego kibbles and some good feeling. Horrible stuff man.

There's so much collateral damage from all of this no matter how it's handled, and it's kind of hard to really know what's right and what's wrong in navigating infidelity.

That line cuts to the heart for me. I was a guy who colored inside the lines. Thought I knew what right was and if I didn’t I took a wide berth to "avoid all appearances". And this blew that all to shit. Here I am pouring out my anguish on the internet and swearing like a sailor. Not what you would have predicted knowing me 10 years ago. But there is no buffer, no ability to tamp down emotion, even if all your socializing says you are doing wrong. I’m not excusing any harm, but I do now fully understand where crimes of passion come from. And even the longer term actions are muddled and confusing. I personally am excited to be leaving that shit show in the past.
It’s really good to hear from you. I hope you are doing better.

I’m all for exposure but have always maintained it has to have purpose and needs to be done carefully.
The husband – Martinez – seems to have hacked into his wife’s account and posted in her name (Hi – I’m Martinez (although I won’t be Martinez for long...)) as well as used her account to publish data he found on her phone. I think he might have stepped into a legal minefield doing so, and right now has one foot on something that went "click".
Revenge porn, expectations of privacy...

Talk about collateral damage – Have a feeling that the husband will experience a lot more damage beyond infidelity and a possible divorce. I think someone with deep pockets to feed the attorneys and a competitive spirit might go after him.

Don’t misunderstand the above as me feeling sorry for Smith or warning against exposure – but just be clear of the purpose and goal, and make certain it’s one that isn’t based on hate or revenge.

I don't see how a BS can go through this without imagining revenge. My guess is that imagining revenge can be healing, if it doesn't lead to obsessing about revenge. Writing revenge fantasies is far from criminal.

As Bigger says, though, it has legal ramifications. I really feel bad for BSes who suffer legal penalties for the actions they take while in the throes of rage or grief.

I'm with Bigger - don't act unless you know what results you want AND you think the action you intend is likely to be the best you can do to get what you want. And don't act in ways that have a high likelihood of biting you back.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:40 PM, Sunday, February 23rd]

I would have to say that going nuclear did have a positive effect on my own well being. I wouldn’t say it’s "healing" Hell, at the time I couldn’t give a shit about that. But I did care about my self respect and I got a lot of that back by screwing them both up as much as I possibly could without a long prison sentence.
The most damaging was destroying their careers in finance and getting them pretty much blacklisted.
Yeah, it felt great to exact that. Today I just don’t care about it, but it was 20+ years ago. I don’t know if either one of them is alive or dead and I don’t care. I have a much better life since then.

The guy who exposed Steve Smith Sr. is named Tony Martinez.

99% of the top commenters on X who commented on Tony that I've personally read insult, mock and belittle Tony.

So, it's safe to assume that many many people out there who are clueless non BS's believes that Tony is just as bad as Steve Smith Sr.

I can see many clueless non BS's say "All Steve did was have a silly little A and Tony was the real villain for exposing the A so publicly."

[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 7:33 PM, Tuesday, February 25th]

Bumping back on top after a SPAM attack.

Bump

It has been one week since Tony ( the bs who exposed Steve Smith A).

The comments that were directed at Tony mocked,insulted and belittled Tony in every way possible.

Basically, the whole internet is laughing at Tony.

I wonder if after one week Tony thinks that exposing the A on X was worth it.

Will Tony think that it was worth it a month,a year or decade from now ?

The comments that were directed at Tony mocked,insulted and belittled Tony in every way possible.

Men are berated in today’s world, where it’s said men have privilege in every conceivable area. Here’s yet another case where that claim is falsified. When a man cheats on a woman, the woman almost universally receives sympathy. When a woman cheats on a man, he’s mocked. He’s told "he couldn’t satisfy his woman". "He’s a cuck". Or worse….

There is a difference between exposing an affair and acts of revenge.

There is no way a BS can be convicted of a crime or sued for telling the truth.

In Maryland, you can only record phone calls if all parties involved give their consent. This is known as a two-party consent law.
Consent requirements
All parties must be notified that the call is being recorded.
Participants must be given the option to leave the call.
In some cases, implied consent may be sufficient. For example, if you hear "this call may be recorded for quality assurance purposes" and continue with the call.
Penalties
Violating the Maryland Wiretapping and Electronic Surveillance Act is a felony.
Penalties include up to five years in prison, a fine of up to $10,000, or both.

Recording a phone conversation without consent is a felony in Maryland.

As is revenge porn and sharing confidential information that has an expectation of privacy.
If the husband shared content from his wife’s phone and/or pretended to be her and/or posted on her media he can be prosecuted and privately sued.

I don’t think this was a smart move on his behalf...
He could have gotten comparable results simply stating that his wife was having an affair with Smith, that he had evidence confirming sexual acts and that he was divorcing her.

Here on SI many recommend total and complete electronic device transparency with passwords , accounts and devices.

Many many unanswered questions.

My big question is did the wife of Tony , Nicole, voluntarily allow Tony to have access to Nicole's phone and facebook account or did Tony hack Nicole ?

So far, Tony, Nicole and Steve Smith and Steve family have been able to stay low key and out of the media.

They can't hide forever because "inquiring minds want to know" (national enquirer tagline)

I hate to think I could come across as defending a wayward spouse or OM...
I’m simply looking at this from the angle of who eventually get’s burned.

Even if she gave her husband free and willing access to her media this does not allow him to share the content without her consent. This is the basis of most/all revenge porn laws: you can send a picture to your lover assuming it’s for personal use, and having sent it does not imply or mean the lover can then publish or share it.

But... the way society is... I’m guessing Smith will move on, probably a pre-nup that makes the wife more willing to move on with him (hopefully to reconcile), maybe aided with a new Mercedes or some diamonds.
The OW... She will either get some hush-money from Smith, or be offered a lot to share her story. I guess she will probably be doing porn within a year.
The BH... He’s going to be divorced and broke. Of the three he’s the one that society will forget the first.

I cant help but wonder how law enforcement will deal with Tony ,the BH , because Tony committed a felony and showed the whole world the proof.

Will they make an example out of Tony and prosecute Tony to the full extent of the law ?

Or, will law enforcement let the incident blow over and do nothing.

So tragic of a story on many levels.

What a messed up world we live in where exposing the truth is a crime but demolishing two families is just a civil matter. Further evidence that morality and legality are many miles apart.

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